Pro tip: if you have to friend request your ex boyfriend more than once it probably means he doesn’t want to be friends. Cheers!
Making so many crafts for my frandz with the SEWING MACHINE I NOW HAVE thanks to one of the girls from work. I am so excited. SEW EXCITED!!!! Hand sewing blows. It is nice to feel mildly artistic again since I have no drawing or painting talents whatsoever.
Sometimes I think about how easily pleased the girls in Little House on the Prairie were. Like, one Christmas, after Mary went blind, she made Laura a string of buttons for her present. A motherfucking string of motherfucking buttons. And you know what? Laura LOVED it. And like once every couple months their father would travel into town and bring them back some sugar cane to suck on.
Their dad was a total dick, too. Remember the time he found a watermelon growing down by Plum Creek? All Laura could think about was eating that watermelon, she fantasized about eating that watermelon, probably because they were surviving on salted beef and hard bread. But Ma, that asshole, was scared that Laura would catch dysentery if she ate the watermelon so Pa went and at the WHOLE FUCKING WATERMELON. And he was fine.
And let’s not forget the time Laura got bangs (when she was well past 18 btw) and everyone flipped out and called them ‘lunatic fringe’ and she got really paranoid that Alonso would totally lose interest. Don’t worry, Half Pint, we’ve all been there.
So, when I feel like I am broke and can’t afford to shop, I think about waiting six months to get some sugar cane to suck on and a string of buttons and life seems pretty great.
Clifford has been on a lad’s weekend (term stolen from Made in Chelsea, athankyou) in London and aside from being so fucking jealous I have been sitting around the house in my underwear, drinking juice from the carton, and watching Law and Order SVU because Olivia Benson is a fucking genius. Also have heard our cute French neighbors screaming bloody murder quite a few times. At first I was terrified and then I realized they spend a lot of time playing video games.
Here is a list I drafted today at work.
Anthea’s List of British Terms That She Has Started Using and Hopes Doesn’t Make Her Seem Douchey Because Sometimes People Just Don’t Understand Me When I Use American Slang and Also Maybe Because I Mumble A Lot
1) Quite. As in, well there is still quite a bit left.
2) Bin. As in, just toss the vegetable scraps in the bin for me.
3) As you do. Used when you describe something weird that someone’s done and then follow it up with ‘as you do.’
4) Saying half-whatever instead of thirty when saying the time. Ie. ‘half five’= five thirty
5) Post. I do not mail things, I post them.